Downsizing

Sorry that it has been so long, a week exactly, since I have blogged.

It started with a very busy weekend that just spilled into a very busy week.

And it is also going to be another busy week.

We had to make a very big decision today,

we will be moving out of our little apartment and moving in with my in-laws and we only have less than a week to do it.

I am a little nervous about the time limit.

I am hoping that we can get everything done.

I just so happened to spring clean our apartment this weekend and past week{which is another reason why I have not blogged} so that really helps us.

I am so grateful to have this opportunity. My in-laws are such a blessing and it will be nice to have them around Aiden. It is a little sad, and humbling, to no longer be able to have a place that is our own, but I am so blessed that we will be surrounded by people that love us, and most importantly our son.

It's hard not to give into the moments at times where it feels like this is going to be a season that lasts forever. I know it is starting to really get to my husband; but I am hoping that by the time I return back to work that my husband will have a new amazing job that pays great and has great benefits. I don't know at times why that feels so impossible. I must remain positive and keep my hope grounded in the Lord.

It feels like there is so much opposition for us right now, but when I take the time to really think about it, it gets steeper the closer you get to the mountain top, so I pray that this is just a sign that our breakthrough is almost here.

I talked to a great friend of mine today, and she reminded me that this just adds to my story.

I still believe that there is a lesson in all of this. And my biggest prayer is that we learn what it is in God's timing and that our flesh doesn't make this test last longer than it has to.

I can really say that this circumstance has really changed the way I think and feel about a lot of things.

I have often found myself angry- not at my situation but with myself.

Angry that I somehow strayed away from the saver that I used to be.

Angry that I took Gabriel's job for granted and just assumed that it would always be there.

Angry that I did not live a more simple life and didn't find and stress the need to really save like I could of.

I regret the credit lines opened just so I could buy more things because I became dissatisfied with what I had.

I became so consumed with feeling like I needed to give in to a certain image and lifestyle that was out of my means.

I was never like that.

I was the girl that found 20 ways to re-invent the same outfit.

I lost my creativity. I lost my discipline. I lost my focus. And now I see the repercussions to it.

I wish I could go back and change everything and help myself be better prepared.

But I can't.

All I can do now is change my future. And I pray that I never take this experience for granted.

I pray that down the line when things get better I don't fall into the same patterns and that this season of my life just become a bad movie clip that I forget about.

I truly want to Live Like No One Else, So That I May Live Like No One Else.

I am done being a poor steward. I am done with this situation. I just want to live financially free.

How did I let things get this way?

That is the question that I am struggling with the most. 

I never pictured us going through this. I can not deny that at times it is hard not to feel prideful. I struggle with the need to feel like I have to be self sufficient. 

I think it comes from being raised by a strong, single mother. 

It has affected the way I feel about how I have to be in certain situations.

My mom is one of the most strongest, beautiful woman I know, and I feel like I get the need for feeling independent from her.

She always had to be strong for us.

Her faith always covered us and carried us.

I feel like I have to be just as strong as she is for us.

When I think about our circumstance, this quote above describes it perfectly.

It is kind of like child birth.

The moments leading up to Aiden's birth were so painful and intense. They required all the strength I had and brought out a power and love I never knew I had inside of myself. And after all the sweat, tears, blood and pain I received the most beautiful blessing I could have ever imagined. 

The love that I have for my son is more than I ever imagined.

I never thought I could love like this.

And if such beauty could come from such pain,

I believe that the same will happen for us financially as well.

Thanks for tuning in!

xo,

N